We are 15 days away from Thanksgiving, can you believe that?

This year for Thanksgiving we plan on staying in Memphis and having our first Family Thanksgiving (although B won’t be eating turkey and mashed potatoes, we really want to start the tradition early). Of course we’ll spend some time with extended family but the dinner itself will be at home, at our dinner table. So I’m already looking for recipes (one of my favorite past-times). Instead of a turkey we’re thinking of having individual Cornish Game Hens. And for the sides we’re wanting healthy version of the traditional. For dessert I’m thinking we’ll splurge a little by having a pie or cobbler. If I can I will post our Thanksgiving menu and then later will show some desserts.

In the thankful spectrum of Thanksgiving, I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and I wish I had more resources to give back. I wish I had more money so that I could buy and donate food goods. I wish I had more time so that I could volunteer. These are things I will do again one day but this year I am focusing on my new family. I know that I need to be more appreciative, and more thankful for the blessings that I have. I need to be more loving towards my fiancé and devote more attention to my daughter. I need to worry about providing for my family, and I need to concentrate on keeping a clean home for them to live in. I need to thank them for the small things that they do, and I need my actions to speak for themselves. I need to appreciate every minute of every day that I have with Bria. I need to be the listening ear, the shoulder to lean on, the heart to empathize with, and the hand to hold for my fiancé. I need to stop talking and start listening. I need to stop wanting and start being content. I need to live for them, and not myself.

I am thankful for the toothless grins.

I am thankful for conversations with my mom.

I am thankful for a tall fiancé who can reach the shelves that I can’t.

I am thankful for warm baby cheeks, pressed to mine.

I am thankful for the big strong arms/hands of my fiancé – they are good for hugging.

I am thankful for all of our health.

I am thankful for advice, suggestions, wisdom that come from my in-laws.

I am thankful for a chance for a new day, every day so far.

I am thankful that there are churches everywhere so that I might find one that suits my family and me.

I am thankful for a paycheck that comes twice a month.

I am thankful for quiet nights.

But I’m also thankful for middle of the night feeds, when I can gaze at her sleepy face.

I am thankful for morning phone calls with my cousin.

I am thankful for inside jokes.

I am thankful for each and every sunrise, and that I may see it every morning on my way to work.

I am thankful for my gifts, even if I have not figured out how to use them.

I am thankful for silly moments with my fiancé.

I am thankful for moments when my fiancé brings me back down to earth.

I am thankful for mistakes that I may learn and grow.

I am thankful for the unplanned pregnancy I had because although the timing was off the gift is life-altering.

I am thankful for blue baby eyes and the cowlick in her hair.

I am thankful for our bedtime routine, when I get to spend one-on-one time with B.

I am thankful for the opportunities I get to show Bria that I love her.

I am thankful that I live in Memphis Tennessee; no matter how much I complain if we hadn’t moved here I wouldn’t have Michael or Brianna in my life.

And finally I am thankful that they are in my life. I can’t imagine an existence without them.

So I’m a masochist.

I’m about to start this new diet and it’s probably the worst possible time to do so. Thanksgiving is TMinus 17 days away. And there is only 23 more days left in November entirely (can I stop a second and say WOW… time is going by so fast). But then again I think this might be the best time ever to attempt a diet like this one. If I can make it thru THE food holiday of the year while eating healthy… then I’ve truly avoided gaining the winter weight. Depending on how November goes I may continue the diet into December, to again avoid the winter weight gain.

As time goes on I’ll let you know how difficult this diet is for me. I can tell you right now that chocolate, candy and cookies will be the hardest. The rest may be pretty easy: I rarely eat biscuits, cake, donuts, or muffins. I rarely have pastries, white bread, chips, or fast food. Nutella, peanut butter, and ice cream aren’t even in the house (thank goodness cause I would have a problem avoiding those as well).

Wish me luck!

Inspiration photo 1, to lose weight!

So Halloween has passed and now we're nearing Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year. This time of year (and especially now that I have my own little family) has got me thinking about family traditions. I have always loved my family time and the few traditions we've practiced throughout the years, so now I can't wait to start making memories with our daughter. She may not remember this first year of traditions but I promise to start taking more pictures, so that we can remember.

So, here are some family traditions (with pictures) I have for inspiration:
-pumpkin carving at halloween, of course

-friday night movie night (and popcorn/Subway/pizza/something else). growing up Vinnie, mom, and i would have a friday night pizza and movie night. Michael's family did something similar with movies and Subway sandwiches. i'm all about movie and _____ night, whether we stick with the yummy and healthy Subway sandwiches or do something fun like homemade pizzas.

-baking cookies on Christmas eve for Santa

-making tamales sometime in Nov. with the hispanic side of my family. we wait until the holiday season because we make SO MANY tamales, and it takes SO MANY hands and SO MUCH time. getting everyone together like its a holiday party is the perfect backdrop for making warm, spicy tamales!

-emptying everyone's stocking on Christmas Eve night. i have no patience -- i want to unwrap my presents and i want everyone else to unwrap theirs!

-decorating the tree, while sipping hot cocoa (or a hotty toddy for mom and dad), and listening to christmas music.

-birthday morning balloon surprise (fill the room with balloons at night so when LO wakes up they are surprised with a room full of balloons)

 And then use the balloons later to hang above the dinner table for the birthday dinner.

-birthday dinner, favorite dish




Of course this would be my choice.

 -new years fondue. its a fun, yet slow way to eat a dinner and dessert!

-thanksgiving rolls (everyone to write what they are thankful for on a small peice of paper, and roll it up in a dinner roll. during dinner you open your roll and try to guess who wrote which thanks)

-birthday and/or new school year pictures. i saw this and thought it was such a great way to make that day (first day of school or birthday) special. take a picture and photoshot on name, age, grade, favorites, friends, etc.

-sunday family dinners. okay so this one should really apply to every day of the week but with two working parents (who knows, maybe mama will be a stay at home one at some point in the future) we might have to do quick, easy, rushed dinners. but at least during Bria's younger years i really want to focus on sitting down at the table every evening for dinner -- even if dinner is soup and sandwich. as she gets older i'd like to focus on Sunday nights if i can't do more than that.

okay so the list is pretty long. as our family grows i hope we get more and more into these events, and we don't lose ourself in the hussle and bustle of every day life. i may be daydreaming here but its so important to me to develop a strong family circle and i guess as we near the holidays i am becoming more and more excited about the future of our family.

(I typed this up this past weekend. So pretend like you're reading this on Saturday.)

THINGS I MUST SHARE:

Today Brianna...

1) Rolled over! This morning I set her down on a blanket on the floor (tummy-down) and went into her bedroom to get some toys. When I came back in the room she was on her back! I wasn't all that surprised because she has been trying to roll for weeks now but I praised the heck outa her and made her do it again -- two more times. After the third go-round I tried to video it but she was thru with that business and began getting fussy. More rolling practice tomorrow!

2) Laughed! This evening I set her down in her bouncy/exersaucer chair and tried every goofy face and silly sound in the book, in an attempt to get her to laugh. Finally I started playing pick-a-boo by hiding below the exersaucer and bouncing up. That did the trick and she laughed for me, twice! Michael was a witness so if you don't believe me, ask him.

I'll try to get you some videos of these accomplishments soon. I'm so proud of my little B!

Other topics of interest:

Halloween is this Monday but the competition at work has come and gone. I can now reveal to you that our theme was Batman. We decorated our room to be Gotham City, Arkham Asylum, and the Bat Cave.

All the kids loved the batman costume my boss was sporting!

Don't mind my make up-less face.

I was The Riddler.

The Bat Cave.

My work group.

Saw this HEREand had to repost.

If it weren’t for the kids …
We could get a full night’s sleep every night.
We wouldn’t catch every sniffle, flu, and sore throat in town.
We wouldn’t be plagued with nightmares about Teletubbies and purple dinosaurs.
We could reduce the laundry by at least fifty percent.
We could go to the bathroom without an audience.
We could do our grocery shopping in under an hour.
We could have adult phone conversations without five hundred interruptions.
We could leave the house without sixty pounds of just-in-case paraphernalia.
We could get through a whole day without saying, “Because I said so.”
We wouldn’t have hours of “child admin” from school, pediatricians, etc.
We could finish reading the book we started six months ago.
We could have those washboard abs … maybe.
We could sleep in.
We could drive a Mini Cooper instead of a minivan.
We would have more time for a social life, exercise, and R&R.
We would have more money for a social life, exercise, and R&R.
We wouldn’t need a contingency plan just to run a few errands.
We could plan our days around our own agendas instead of the kids’ activities.
We could avoid the cliquey circles of moms.
We wouldn’t have to explain why the sky is blue.
We wouldn’t have the chance to dance in the rain.
We might forget to smell the flowers.
We wouldn’t laugh as much.
We wouldn’t take as many naps.
We would take ourselves too seriously.
We would gloss over the wonder that is all around us.
We wouldn’t get to relive our favorite childhood adventures at storytime.
We would forget how to see the magic in a seashell.
We wouldn’t have the courage to sing out loud or somersault down the lawn.
We wouldn’t have the chance to get closer to our neighbors and community.
We wouldn’t get to rediscover the child inside us.
We wouldn’t get to see the world through new eyes in a way that makes us smile.

If it weren’t for the kids, our lives wouldn’t be as rich and full and challenging and rewarding and infuriating and blissful as they are. If it weren’t for the kids, none of it would mean a thing.

It’s official. We’ve survived a week of me being back at work. I think all three of us (Michael, Bria, and I) have each had to adjust to the new schedule. Me with being back at work, trying to recall all of the information I’ve been away from for three months. Michael with being with Bria, and Bria being with Michael. Roles have changed and schedules are forming and I think the longer we go the more “normal” it will feel. For now I can only speak for myself when I talk about how the changes have affected me, and that is pretty simple: I miss my family. Being away from Michael and Bria is hard but I’m taking the return to my job seriously. It’s not just a job anymore, it’s our income. It’s how we survive. And on the topic of my job: wish me luck because at this point next week (or maybe even sooner) I will know whether or not I will be offered a job promotion. My intercompany interview is this afternoon and although I feel as ready as I’ll ever be for the job, interviews are always so intimidating. I’m nervous but I’m ambitious too. I want this new job for my family. I want to give them more. So, again, please wish me luck/send me prayers/cross your fingers for me today around 11am.

I returned to work at the right/busy time. This week (Friday) we’ll be busy with our Annual Halloween Contest. I LOVE Halloween so I’m in the right place; my office takes the holiday seriously. We don’t just tack up paper spiders and wear witch hats. We don’t just put a bowl of candy on our desks. We don’t just wear plastic masks or send out Happy Halloween emails. No sir. We go ALL OUT. Each team meets for months prior, deciding on a good theme, and then the week of everyone transforms their work space into the designated theme. And by “transform” I mean ceilings are covered with black trash bags, cubicle walls are disguised with contact paper/aluminum foil/whathaveyou. And to top it off we compete – I won best costume last year for this beauty:

And my team won a pizza party for coming in 1^st place. Last year we decorated our area in a space theme. We dressed up as aliens, astronauts, and I came as a robot (obviously). The year before we also came in 1^st place; that year we decorated the work area as Captain Hook’s ship and we dressed up as characters from Peter Pan.

Check out the aluminum-wrapped cubicles.

Peter Pan! We all got together one Saturday and built the ship facade.

I miss my short hair :\

So as reigning 1^st place title holders we feel the pressure to maintain our status this year. I would tell you what we’ve decided to decorate/dress up as but there are spies everywhere. You’ll have to come back later to see pics and to find out if we won again!

As for the personal life, Michael and I are planning our second date night for this upcoming Sunday. If money and time allowed for it we would dress up and go out to a party, and get shmammered like old times. However getting shmammered isn’t as appealing as it used to be, and money goes towards diapers/formula instead of costumes. So instead we’re gonna scare ourselves silly by going to see a scary movie (aka, I’ll be scared silly while Michael rolls his eyes at the attempt), and go out to eat (lesson learned from first date night: find a slightly higher-priced establishment to find a place less likely to be populated with children. We love our daughter but on date nights we want to be without child, not surrounded by them). I also need to spend some time this week making Bria’s costume. Although she won’t be going anywhere wearing it, it’s still Halloween! She needs to get dressed up, daggumit!

Most of my motherly musings don’t occur to me until the end of the day, when I’m rocking my sleepy baby to sleep. I’ll sit there, holding her close, watching her eyelids slowly droop until her lashes are lightly resting against her cheeks. In the dark, back and forth, and there goes my mind; pondering the day, and more. Most of the time I get excited about sharing these thoughts with you, blog, but more often than not the opportunity to actually type said thoughts out never arises.

Except for today. Here are some of my musings…

1.     Comfort food. The tem “comfort food” has an entirely different meaning to me now that I have a baby. When Brianna has passed the point of no return, and in full out freak out mode, nothing can comfort her but mother’s milk. No being held, not being walked around, not be shushed, not being patted, not sucking on a pacifier, not talked to. NOTHING will help but being cradled in my arms and having a bite to eat. Food (breast milk) is her only comfort in those terrible moments. And it makes me think about food that I consider a comfort as an adult; warm, hearty meals like lasagna, chicken noodle soup, and macaroni and cheese. A happiness washes over me when I eat these foods. And I wonder if the obesity problem plaguing America has anything to do with comfort food and being comforted by food as an infant. Sure, right now B is too young to tell me what upsets her so I do what I can to calm her. And for now if that means giving her boob juice then that is what I do. But eventually she will be weaned off breast milk and she’ll begin to eat solids. In some people’s lifeline, do their parents allow them treats when they are upset – continuing the self soothing with food? Which then becomes their key to being happy? I hate to correlate comfort food with obesity, and with babies no less, but it’s the sad truth that comfort food = calories. I hope little B enjoys her comfort food now because I will try my darndest to feed her the healthiest meals possible (and tastiest).

2.     Being rocked to sleep. While watching my little baby slowly drift off to sleep, I can also feel her body change from aware and awake, to oblivious, comfortable, and dreaming. When she is ultimately limp against my body I know she is ready to be put in her crib but sometimes I hold her a little bit longer because I just love looking upon her little face. And tonight I thought about how comfortable she looked, and how comfortable it must be to have someone cradle you. Imagine laying down in a cushy, warm, wonderful-smelling, temperpedic, form-fitting bed that sways in a comforting motion. It sounds like heaven to me. I just hope that God can cradle and rock me to sleep one day when I’m heaven (yes, I realize that we probably won’t sleep in heaven… although I do wish we would. Falling to sleep, dreaming, being asleep, and waking up after a good restful sleep is just beautiful).

3.    Baby brain research. I wonder if there has been some sort of baby brain research done? Has anyone ever monitored the brain activity in newborns as they learn? As they sleep? If someone has done this then they need to have a camera crew record it, have Tom Hanks narrate it, and they need to show the finished show on Discovery Health because I’d totally watch it. Bria smiles in her sleep and she also has freaked out in her sleep for short periods of time (5 seconds-ish). Watching her learn is amazing and sometimes I feel like I am having a conversation with her. So they say not to indulge too much in “baby talk” (goo goo, gaga), but honestly sometimes I do it. Most of the time I talk to her normally but sometimes I let myself slip into her language. I mimick her sounds and elongated vowels and she looks at me with wide eyes and curious smiles. This morning we went back and forth in baby language for a long time; and it was fun! I don’t do this all the time, but I see nothing wrong with doing it occasionally. I wonder what is going thru her mind when I do this; or when I speak to her normally.

4.     Women who kill their children. I know, sick and sad. But hear me out. I wonder if those women have some sort of hormone deficiency. More specifically a deficiency of oxytocin. Something MUST be off balance because I can’t understand how a mother could kill her child; it seems impossible to me. No matter how frantic Brianna cries or how ever much sleep I don’t get, I don’t ever get NEAR understanding those mothers. Not even close. Someone should interview women who have either killed their children or who have purposefully caused their children harm to see if they breastfed their babies. Not that bottle-fed babies are from mothers who are any less loving than breastfeeding mothers; not my point at all. I know for some moms it is impossible to breastfeed, and for others its a personal choice not to. Heck, my B will soon be transitioned to bottle and I can't see that changing how I feel about her at all! But... I’d be interested to know what the statistics were. It would also be interesting to know if those ladies had a dip in their oxytocin levels, or if they had some sort of pituitary gland malfunction.

“The endocrine system is extremely complex and involves many different kinds of hormones, each with its particular influence on the baby’s body, but there is one that deserves a special mention. This is the hormone called oxytocin, sometimes referred to as the “bonding hormones” or, more romantically, the “hormone of love.” It is made in the hypothalamus and released into the blood system via the posterior lobe of the pituitary gland.

When we speak of the “chemistry” between two young lovers, oxytocin is the chemical in quesiton. When couples who describe themselves as “madly in love” are tested, they are found to have higher than normal levels of oxytocin. During orgasm there is a sudden burst of oxytocin, revealing that these peak moments of sexual pleasure also function as powerful bonding experiences. Making love literally makes love. And a similar process occurs between a mother and her baby.

As a woman gives birth, her endocrine system releases oxytocin, preparing her chemically to feel loving toward the tiny being she is about to hold in her arms. Some of the oxytocin crosses the placenta and also helps to reduce the stress levels of the baby after the painful pressures of birth. Later, breast-feeding causes a further release of oxytocin, creating relaxation and feelings of emotional attachment.

Interestingly, with bottle-fed babies there is a hormonal difference between those who are fed rather mechanically, and those who are given the bottle while at the same time being closely cuddled by the parent. The cuddled infants show higher levels of oxytocin, revealing that the hormone’s release in the baby can be stimulated simply by loving contact.

It follows from this that, during the early days of infancy, the more intimate contact there is, the stronger will be the emotional attachment, thanks to the high levels ofoxytocin that are being maintained. Furthermore, the baby that experiences prolonged elevated levels of this hormone during the earliest days will also enjoy a great reduction in stress-hormone responses. This can have a lasting effect, helping to create a secure adult later in life.”

--Amazing Baby by Desmond Morris

And that is the end of my musings for tonight. Phew… glad I got that out. J