First:
Brianna will be six months old in two days!
Okay, Now:
What they don’t tell you, about having a kid.
…Because it really doesn’t matter in the long haul…
(Warning: These apply to me, my pregnancy, and my life as a mom. And because I’m attempting to be humorous. Don’t go out and make changes to what you’re doing if it’s working for you.)
-Enjoy your hair before you give birth. Eat those prenatal vitamins on the regular, watch as your hair grows like a weed. A shiny weed, at that. Style it, profile it, brag about it, braid it, fray it, and just use it as much as you possibly can. Because once the baby gets here you will wish you were bald. In fact, go ahead and schedule yourself a salon appointment 3 months or 6 months after your scheduled due date. If you don’t hate your hair (And the ponytail it will remain in, post-baby) by 3 months, then you will SURELY hate it at 6 months. Research cute short do’s now so that you don’t regret getting it all chopped off, with no way to style.
-Save your money. Everyone tells you save your money for the baby for I am here to tell you to save the money for your marriage. I would estimate that you need to save about $500 (give or take a little) to do you and your hubby this little favor: Pre-purchase a twelve date nights. One for each month. Because date nights are not only nice to take, post-baby, but they are practically a necessity. You won’t have time, or extra money to save, after the baby arrives so pre-purchasing a few month’s worth of dates will be a welcomed break come one, two, three months down the road. I factored in 2 movie ticket prices, and a $30 dinner per month into that $500 annual sum. If I had all the money in the world I would buy expectant dads this gift beforehand; they appreciate the one-on-one more than you realize.
-What is your due date? Count one and a half months before that due date. Whatever that day is – request off of work and schedule yourself a pedicure. You have heard me say it before and I will say it again: a pedicure is a pregnant woman’s best friend, especially when you’re entering the third trimester. Your feet are swollen (especially if you’re having a summer baby), your legs ache (but you don’t realize how much they ache until they start your leg massage at the salon), and you can’t realize your toesies. I suggest you request off because every mom, especially a working mom, needs ONE DAY to indulge. Take time to eat ice cream, buy a cute maternity top, and sleep on this day as well.
-Don't you dare trying to stop yourself from nesting. If you try to restrain yourself you will cry. Tip to Men: Let them nest, whether that mean clean or all-out purse. Tip From Michael: "If you love it, hide it... because she will throw it out." He speaks the truth. Men, hide your belongings. They WILL be discarded.
-What is your due date? Count one and a half months before that due date. Whatever that day is – request off of work and schedule yourself a pedicure. You have heard me say it before and I will say it again: a pedicure is a pregnant woman’s best friend, especially when you’re entering the third trimester. Your feet are swollen (especially if you’re having a summer baby), your legs ache (but you don’t realize how much they ache until they start your leg massage at the salon), and you can’t realize your toesies. I suggest you request off because every mom, especially a working mom, needs ONE DAY to indulge. Take time to eat ice cream, buy a cute maternity top, and sleep on this day as well.
-And speaking of sleeping. Everyone tells you to sleep while you’re pregnant but they never tell you how difficult it actually IS to sleep. Run this by your doctor first, but I advocate taking Benadryl before bed. It helped to knock me out and sleep through the night. When you wake up, write down all the weirdo dreams you had. They’ll be funny to look back on after your very normal and healthy baby arrives (because some of your dreams may very well be that your child is born with some crazy abnormality. I hope and pray that these dreams do not come true for anyone).
-You need at least $2,000 to have a kid. AT. LEAST. Sometimes more if your insurance isn’t top notch. If you can help it, save that cash before you even get pregnant.
-Butter up the nurses. Sure, finding the right doctor is important. He’s the one you’re gonna rely on these 9 months to tell you that yes, you’re fine and yes, the baby is fine. BUT… when it comes down to it the nurses: will give you an extra 4D ultrasound (even though the second one is not normally free), and will print the 4D pictures (which are not normally free), take care of you the 12+ hours you are in labor (while the doctor shows up for the 10 minutes game time – yep, you pay him $2,000+ and he just shows up for a few minutes), and will take care of you and the baby after labor. The nurses run the show. Make goodie baskets; the more the merrier but they don’t have to be big. Give one to your doctor’s nurse, who sees you every month/week during your pregnancy. She probably remembers more about you than your doc does. Make one for the L&D nurses at the hospital (big basket because there could be more than 2). Make one for the postpartum nurses (again, a big basket). Make one for the Ultrasound nurses (remember those free 4D ultrasounds and pics?).
-Morning sickness doesn’t always happen in the morning. And it doesn’t always end after the first trimester. I had nightly sickness and it would rear its ugly face randomly (although much less frequently after the first tri).
-Morning sickness doesn’t always happen in the morning. And it doesn’t always end after the first trimester. I had nightly sickness and it would rear its ugly face randomly (although much less frequently after the first tri).
-Your body will never. Be. The. Same. But it’s all worth it. Say bye-bye to your boobs (especially if you plan on breast feeding, which I STRONGLY advocate that you do!!!!), and accept the fact that if you’re not pro-implants now… you will be after you’ve had a baby.
-Although your body will change in a million different ways, you need to purchase a Belly Bandit or some other waist cincher. These things squeeze your hips back to where they once were (although only hard work and exercise will help with the pooch belly) – I don’t have personal experience using this undergarment but I can tell you that nature does not have a natural rewind button. You can lose the baby weight but your hips will stay wide = you will not fit back into your pre-pregnancy clothes as easily. I plan on buying some sort of waist cincher when I’m pregnant with my second child, for sure.
-If you’re having a girl, consider keeping that information to yourself. Just a suggestion, and this may not bother you, but when people find out you’re going to have a little girl the first thing they buy for you is clothes. Most people DO NOT refer to registries (but make up a few anyway), unfortunately and instead they opt for cute clothes. There seems to be more cute clothes out there for girls than there are for boys, but YOUR definition of cute may not line up with your shower guests’ definition of cute. Keeping the gender a secret, and asking for gender-neutral clothes will save you some return trips to get rid of the tacky (or piles of unused, unneeded) clothes.
-Along the same lines of baby showers: ask that the host make a note on the invite that reads “PLEASE ATTACH A GIFT RECEIPT WITH YOUR GIFT”. Let me reiterate the fact that although your lovely and sweet guests buy you amazing gifts, they do not refer to your registries as often as you wish they would.
-Don’t procrastinate when it comes to Thank You’s. If you’re bad about sending out cards now, you’ll be worse while you’re pregnant and the devil after the baby’s born. DON’T PROCRSTINATE. Send out those thank you’s the moment you’re done with the shower. I still have yet to send a thank you, 6+ months later. Also, don’t procrastinate when it comes to putting together your baby book, either. You won’t have time once the baby arrives.
-I have said this before too but it’s so true that it bears repeating: The best advice is to never take anyone’s advice. YOU’RE the mom. You and your husband/significant other call the shots. No one else. Don’t believe you are doing anything wrong if you aren’t feeding the baby solids yet/if you do feed your baby solids “early”/if you believe your baby is naturally warm so they don’t need an extra blanket/if you feel your baby is sensitive to cold and needs to wear extra socks/if you baby goes to sleep to early/if your baby goes to sleep too late/if you decide to co-sleep/if you decide to sleep train from day one. YOU ARE THE MOM. You know your baby better than anyone else. Don’t be rude, because people are trying to help, but don’t be persuaded to change if you’re comfortable how you’re doing things. (So I guess you can disregard this entire post)
-Make sure you get pictures of you and the baby together. As mommy, who loves pictures, you will be sure to take pictures of baby with daddy/grandma/grandpa/neighbor/dog but you kind of forget yourself (not to mention you're not Stretchy Wonder Woman, unfortunately, and can't take pictures of yourself with a bouncy babe too well anyway). Do one of two things: Invest in a nice camera, or schedule (and pay off) a professional session before baby is even born (I would suggest family photos to be scheduled around 5 or 6 months. Baby is super smiley and usually happy when well-rested at this point). I give this advice although I still have very few nice pictures of me with B (mostly because I refuse to be in pictures; I am unhappy with my appearance...)
-Give yourself some slack. If you can't then please ask your significant other to feed you compliments (M is so good about building me up). They are needed after such a dramatic physical change. And of course you have heard this: talk to your doctor if you suspect post pardem depression.
-If you had crazy "womanhood" issues pre-pregnancy... be prepared for a whirlwind after. They may get better, they may get worse. Regardless, talk to your doctor about it. I just stopped taking birth control which has solved most of my post-pregnancy problems but I wouldn't have known to do that unless I made it a point to talk to my doctor.
-I have said this before too but it’s so true that it bears repeating: The best advice is to never take anyone’s advice. YOU’RE the mom. You and your husband/significant other call the shots. No one else. Don’t believe you are doing anything wrong if you aren’t feeding the baby solids yet/if you do feed your baby solids “early”/if you believe your baby is naturally warm so they don’t need an extra blanket/if you feel your baby is sensitive to cold and needs to wear extra socks/if you baby goes to sleep to early/if your baby goes to sleep too late/if you decide to co-sleep/if you decide to sleep train from day one. YOU ARE THE MOM. You know your baby better than anyone else. Don’t be rude, because people are trying to help, but don’t be persuaded to change if you’re comfortable how you’re doing things. (So I guess you can disregard this entire post)
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